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note to self,

Learn to say no.

 


Bleh. I should be grateful, and I am....

 

I'm just also really, really tired. Nick got a week vacation after the wedding madness. I got thrown directly into retail holiday prep insanity. And it's starting to take a roll, methinks.

 

sometimes


It blows my mind that Nick and I actually got married.

 

Seriously. Its pretty amazing.

 

in most ways, nothing much has changed. But the things that have? Pretty awesome.

 

Especially in the man himself. He's so much more expressive and cheerful, and just more relaxed and happy overall. He still gets annoyed over little things, but it passes quicker, and he.seems altogether more willing to look on the bright side. I love it.

neatly sums up my past.


The troubles came,
I saved what I could save.
A thread of light,
A particle,
A wave.
But there were chains, so I hastened to behave.
There were chains, so I loved you,
Like a slave.

yesterday.

Fighting with Nick, bad news from Mom's doctor, stuck working a double, stranded for hours with no way home, and my bachelorette party got canceled.

 

Sitting on the ground outside Books-A-Million crying was the highlight, I think. The homeless guy who walks around talking to himself gave me a wide berth and told other passersby that I was crazy.

 

By the time I made it home, I just hid in my room under a blanket and waited for Nick to come and hug me.
Hopefully today will be an improvement.

sleep


I think I remember what it feels like.

so let me judge your love affair,

in this very room where I have sentenced mine to death.

maybe

I should walk away, before things get dangerous.

glitter and doom

Just a few observations

 

1. Just because she didn't want you, doesn't mean all girls are into douchebags. Just because he turned you down, doesn't mean all guys are into skanks. Your personal romantic problems are not a sign of a tragic society wide flaw. And if you are consistently "unlucky in love"? It's probably you.

 

2. Your job does not define you. Working a high paying job doesn't mean you're better than the guy who sells you cigarettes. And working a shitty job or being poor doesn't give you carte blanche to hate  everyone wealthier than you. Oh, and if you've been fired from or quit every job you've had? Hint: it's probably you.

 

3. You have no right to judge someone/look down on them just because they're living a life you wouldn't want, or choosing a path you think is beneath you. Not everyone is ambitious. Not everyone wants kids. Not everyone has the same definition of success or happiness. And that's a good thing. Our differences give us the opportunity to learn from each other, everyday. And if you think everyone else in the world is a failure with nothing to teach you? Yep, once again, probably you.

 

Bonus! Being cynical does not make you more clever, or more worldly than anyone else. It just makes you cynical. Plenty of people have seen more, experienced more, been hurt more, and chosen to drop the adolescent version of cool in favour of openness and un-ironic enthusiasm. This does not make them weak or naive. It makes them awesome.

Just appreciating that...

Things are getting better.

Oh,oh,oh

Maybe I'm better off alone.

 

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